So in the realm of crazy things that have happened in the news lately, one of the weirder ones was Jeff Bezos writing an article to get ahead of a story that National Enquirer was going to break later. Well, let’s not call it a story. Let’s call it what it is, which is extortion and blackmail. Basically, the National Enquirer threatened Bezos with some sensitive photos of the billionaires jewels. No… not those jewels, those jewels.
And while blackmail and extortion is super shady and really a dick move (no pun intended), the tweets in response to this event are marvelous.
jk rowling: jeff bezos’ penis is a hufflepuff
— jen merritt!!! (@jennifermerr) February 8, 2019
Donald Trump’s day so far:
– Matt Whitaker crashes and burns
– His five minutes are up
– Whitaker is going down for perjury
– He’ll have to flip on Trump
– Feds say they’re investigating Jeff Bezos blackmail
– Trump and his Pecker are going to prison
– It’s still only 4:30pm
— Palmer Report (@PalmerReport) February 8, 2019
Just in: Jeff Bezos’ dick pic reveals he has balls of steel.
— Anonymous White House Official (@dvorakoelling) February 8, 2019
What could possibly happen today that would top politicians dressing up in blackface and a guy named Pecker blackmailing Jeff Bezos with dick pics?
— Kara Calavera (@KaraCalavera) February 8, 2019
honestly I wanna see bezos’ dick simply bc he has so much money his dick probably looks like no other dick on earth. maybe it has a little dick of its own like how alien has a little mouth inside it’s mouth! or maybe it glows! only one way to know for sure
— KT Nelson (@KrangTNelson) February 8, 2019
jeff bezos outhere sending dick pics. if i’m worth 137 billion u getting a dick hologram
— Desus Nice (@desusnice) February 8, 2019
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